“Now that I don’t have the alcohol to numb it away, things are just…there, waiting to be acknowledged.”
Chrissy Teigen has given an update on her grieving process following the tragic loss of her son Jack last September.
On Sunday, the cookbook author shared an Instagram post in which she admitted that she hasn’t “fully processed” losing Jack, who was her third child with husband John Legend. Teigen, 35, — who previously shared that she had quit drinking alcohol in November — took a look back at living in New York with Legend, 42, revealing that she was “basically a functioning alcoholic” years ago.
Alongside the post’s caption, which Teigen called a “rollercoaster,” the “Lip Sync Battle” host posted a photo of herself and Legend sitting at the New York City Italian restaurant, Frank.
“we’ve been going to @frankrestaurant for…man, maybe 13, 14 years now?? we used to live just a couple blocks away, right across from the hell’s angels in the east village,” Teigen began in the post’s lengthy caption. “john had a basement apartment with a roommate and I used to sneak cigarettes (ew) through the little half window that lined up with the sidewalk. basically a window where you could only see people’s shoes. anyhow I’d either drag puddy’s big ass to sit outside at frank, or sometimes sit at the kitchen bar alone, reading Glamour and trying everything on the menu. And I would never ever miss a Thursday. Thursday was lasagna verde day – a bubbling, piping hot dish of cheesy lasagna with the toastiest edges you could ever wish for.”
“I’d sit there with my multiple double vodka sodas and get day drunk by myself (this is not a brag lol I was basically a functioning alcoholic) then buy hats I didn’t like or need at urban outfitters,” she continued. “I still can’t wear hats for some reason. I feel like everyone is judging my hat and I end up screaming ‘I KNOW, IT IS STUPID YOU’RE RIGHT’ and they’re like ‘what? we didn’t even say anything???'”
The “Cravings” author went on to add that she’s been “reminiscing about New York a lot lately, when things were simple, thinking about all the stuff I’ve done and been through not just this year but in my life.”
Teigen then shared that she’s been feeling “slightly down lately” and explained why.
“It kind of started when I was thinking of my book caption and typed out ‘my third baby is here!!’, as in cookbook, then realized my third baby will never be here,” she wrote. “then I realized i threw myself into the book to not think of the real, actual third baby.”
Since the model is now sober, she said she doesn’t have alcohol to help her “numb” the pain.
“I don’t really feel like I fully processed jack and now that I don’t have the alcohol to numb it away, things are just…there, waiting to be acknowledged,” Teigen explained, before concluding, “I guess what I’m saying here is life is so f—— complicated. and get the lasagna??? wow this was a rollercoaster !!!!!”
Last September, Teigen and Legend, lost their third child after Teigen suffered a placenta abruption.
The couple, who also share daughter Luna, 5, and son Miles, 3, opened up about their tragic loss, sharing raw, emotional posts from the hospital at the time.
“We are shocked and in the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we’ve never felt before,” wrote Teigen. “We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite bags and bags of blood transfusions. It just wasn’t enough.”
“Jack worked so hard to be a part of our little family, and he will be, forever,” she added. “We are so grateful for the life we have, for our wonderful babies Luna and Miles, for all the amazing things we’ve been able to experience. But everyday can’t be full of sunshine. On this darkest of days, we will grieve, we will cry our eyes out. But we will hug and love each other harder and get through it.”
In December, Teigen revealed she had chosen to quit drinking alcohol, sharing that she was inspired by Holly Whitaker’s book, “Quit Like a Woman: The Radical Chose to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol.”
“One month ago, on my birthday, I got this book from my doctor and friend,” she wrote on her Instagram Stories at the time, posting a photo of Whitaker’s book. “I was done with making an ass of myself in front of people (I’m still embarrassed), tired of day drinking and feeling like s— by 6, not being able to sleep. I have been sober ever since.”
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